PRHC Emergency RN Jennifer Massimo On Her Experience Working On The Frontlines & The Impact On Family

In the second of a PTBOCanada series on the experiences of frontline healthcare workers in Peterborough produced by Mary Zita Payne, Emergency RN Jennifer Massimo gives us a firsthand look on what it’s like being on the frontlines during the pandemic. Here is her experience in her own words…

I have been an emergency nurse since I graduated in 2009. When I was a new grad, I had anxiety before going in for my shifts, because I never knew what I would be walking into. With the years of experience, I gained confidence and lost the pre-shift butterflies. I enjoyed my work despite the chaos that always came with each shift. I loved it.

Although each shift is different, it still feels like it’s the same. A controlled chaos, working through each complaint and concern, working with the most amazing colleagues to save lives, change lives, and provide comfort to people in their last moments. Though I love my patients, easily my favourite part of the job are my colleagues.

There are no humans quite like them. These men and women are energetic, sarcastic, knowledgeable, and hilarious. They truly are my work family. So while my shifts are exhausting, stressful and busy, I have always been proud to say I’m an ER nurse. 

Jennifer Massimo (photographed at PRHC by Mary Zita Payne)

Something changed in the past couple months though. This Goliath virus started. It changed everything as we know it, and everything as I know it. I am back to feeling nervous to go in for my shifts, not knowing what I’ll be walking in to. I’m scared that I might miss one atypical COVID presentation, and could potentially expose a colleague to a covid positive individual.

Although we watch each other remove our personal protective equipment, I’m scared I will accidentally contaminate myself while removing it. What if my face shield was sitting too high? What if I didn’t have a good seal on my N95? I worry about my family. I’m scared that I will be an asymptomatic carrier, and expose my family to the illness. I’m worried that I’m already putting my family at risk by coming home after shifts.

Photographed at PRHC by Mary Zita Payne

We’ve prepared a separate living space in our basement in case I come home after a particularly bad shift and worry that I’ve been exposed. This worries me too, because with my children aged 3 and almost 2, what if me living away from them causes emotional trauma? I feel guilty and selfish that I haven’t moved to the basement yet, but I also worry about the emotional trauma I will have if I leave them too soon.

Each time I go in, I’m scared it will be the time that I know I have to live separately from my family. Even when I’m at home, I try to enjoy my family so much but I have a hard time engaging because I’m so worried about when I will have to go back to work, and potentially leave my family.

Photographed at PRHC by Mary Zita Payne

I hate admitting this, but I’m scared to go into patient rooms. I’m not scared of the person, I’m scared of the virus. I’ve always been one for physical touch. I hold my patients hands, listen to their every concern, hug family members, give high fives to my paediatric patients, and am by their side through their biggest crises. I have always been right beside them, giving my everything.

COVID has changed this.

I’m scared to be exposed to them, because I’m scared that I will end up bringing this home to my family. I’m scared for my patients. They don’t want to be in this situation just as much as we don’t want to be. COVID has changed the nurse and patient relationship. Families are restricted in their visiting, and it puts a toll on patients, nurses and doctors alike.

While I’m terrified of this virus, there are also some positive things that are undeniable. I love my work family. Although I am anxious before each shift, I also want to be there to provide physical and moral support. More than ever, I want to be with them and take this thing on as a team. I’ve always known we have an incredible team, but the leadership and camaraderie is amazing. Taking care of patients with suspected COVID takes a lot of man power, and I am so proud of everyone for stepping up and being there for one another. 

This is sense of connection and support goes beyond the ER. More than ever, I feel that our community and the world are pulling together to battle. Nurses and doctors are working outside of their comfort zones to provide their skills wherever needed. Outside our doors, our other front line staff paraded their fire trucks, ambulances and police cars with lights and sirens to thank hospital staff at shift change.

Members of the community are stepping up to provide whatever PPE they have, and even making masks for people that enter the hospital. People are staying home, to stop the spread of COVID-19. It feels like the world is pulling together to combat this thing head on. 

So while I’m nervous about what the future holds, and nervous about decisions for my family, I’m also so proud and thankful for everyone and their support, in whatever way they can give it, during this time. We are truly all in this together. So while I feel my job is very challenging right now, I’m thankful that I can provide support to my community in the best way I know how. And at the end of the day, I will always be proud to say I’m an ER nurse.

—Jennifer Massimo, Emergency RN

(Mary Zita Payne, who is producing this series—you can read the first installment here—has been documenting frontline healthcare workers on the frontlines on her personal blog.)

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